Happy Holidays!!

From Our Family to Yours!!!

Here are some pic's of our family leading up to Christmas. They start off with the finding of the perfect tree, Jarrod and Jayk cutting it down ALL BY THEMSELVES!!! (first time ever, and they did such a great job, they didn't have to level it off when we got back to the barn!) And then there are pic's of us setting the tree up and decorating it, and then some of the kids in, around and under the tree! There are some from Gryfinn's first time playing in the snow! And also some of Oliver, our furbaby, having a blast in the backyard! He loves to catch snowballs! And Gryfinn loved watching him! There are some from the school Holiday parties, and the last are of when we went to see Christmas lights. My brother and his family came too, and so did my Mom. (Gryfinn's favorite person in the whole world!!) Gryfinn loved the lights - in one of the pictures he is pointing at them! They also had rides, and he got to ride one for the first time! He rode with Grandma, and they had a blast!

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I will post pic's of Christmas Day here soon. They are still on the camera, so I have to upload them to the computer first. I will also tell about our Wonderful Christmas, that ended up in the Emergency Room. Everything is ok, Gryfinn was just sick. I will tell all the details here soon. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, and has a Happy and Safe New Years!

16 Weeks

Again these are not photos of Junebug, just pic's found via the internet.
Hopefully we will have ones of Junebug in early to mid January!!

This week, Junebug weighs about 4oz and is about 5inches in length, crown to rump. The nails are well formed. And there will be a good chance that he/she will need a manicure shortly after birth! Junebug is also emptying his/her bladder every 40-45 minutes! (WOW! And I thought I had to go alot!) In and out of the womb, babies are so very playful. And chances are, Junebug has made the umbilical cord into his/her first toy - tugging and pulling on it! Junebug can also hold his/her head erect, and facial muscles now allow for a variety of different experssions! Goodness, I can't wait to see this marvelous little being on ultrasound!

15 Weeks

Again, not pictures of Junebug. Just ones I found on the interent!


I just can not believe that I am 15 weeks pregnant! Time has just gone so very fast! And it seems that over the past few days, my belly has really just popped! I am sure this has a bit to do with it only being 16 (almost 17) months ago since I gave birth to the Monster, also known as Gryfinn! My muscles and uterus are still pretty lax from being stretched, and pulled, and shifted in every which way. Which I don't mind starting to show! I love being pregnant, and I love having a pregnant belly! Speaking of my belly, Gryfinn has always been fascinated with any kind of skin. If he sees your arm, or back, or belly, or leg, he will rub it! But over the past few days, he will walk up to me, and since I am short, he can reach his lil hands up, and pull my shirt out, and touch my belly. It is the sweetest thing ever! I always tell him that his baby is in there. And if I tell him to kiss it, he just blows raspberries, which is a ton fun!

I have also been feeling some flutters. I have been for awhile, but just thought I was crazy. But, I know it was lil Junebug in there dancing around! Or maybe doing flipflops! Cause that is what it feels like!

Junebug is now four and a half inches in length and weighs in at over two ounces! For a better visual, he/she is the size of a large naval orange! From here on out, Junebug will be busy preparing for his/her debut into this big world. He/she is practicing breathing, sucking and swallowing, so that when he/she does arrive, he/she will be able to survive.

At a Loss.....

Not so much for words, but maybe for feelings, or maybe how to describe what I am feeling. I lost my father to cancer over 10 years ago. I was devastated. Lost. So upset. I have lost Grandparents, and Aunts, and Uncles. And it has been hard. But to have a friend, who is only 29, who is so young, and was once so full of life, to be fighting for her life. To be fighting the ultimate battle. It has just done something to me. She is not just a woman, she is also a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, and a friend. A friend who I fear is slipping away. With each day, she gets weaker. With each day, she gets sicker. She is now back in the hospital. She is in a lot of pain. And they aren't even sure what is causing her pain. They have done a scan, but they are waiting on her previous test results to come in from Pittsburgh so they can compare them. They believe that she may have some swelling on or around her brain, and that this could be what is causing her pain. I am just ready for this Miracle that I have been praying for.

And then people ask me - is there really any hope left? How am I to answer that? Who am I to answer that? Yes, I am afraid that we are losing her. But have I given up hope? No. As long as all of her family and friends, and strangers alike, continue to have hope, then there will be hope.

And I feel guilty at times, living my life. Knowing that each day is a struggle for her. That she can't even take care of her kids. That she is sick, and in pain, and has to watch others take care of her 3 beautiful boys. I know that I have to continue with my life, but at times I do, I just feel guilty. We take so much for granted. I admit, that when I have felt really bad due to morning sickness, that I will complain to Kelly. And then I feel even more guilty. Cause nothing I am feeling, or have felt, even compares to what she is going through on a daily, hourly basis.

And I think about her so very much. Pretty much all the time. And Kelly and I talk about her so much. So much, that I am sure that Junebug will think that is her name. And then that makes me think, if she is a girl, that it just feels right. To name her after a dear friend. She is the strongest woman I know. She has overcome so many hurdles. And has kept positive, and had so much hope. And Kelly agrees. That it just feels right. But I feel that we need to talk to her about this. But with her being so sick, I am not sure how to bring it up. And I don't want her to feel like we want to do it because we think she is dying. We want to do it because she is living. Because she is so strong, and we would be blessed if our daughter had her name, and was half as strong as she is. And another thing, our Junebug is due June 10, and our friend's birthday is June 5. See - it just feels right.

I will finish up with this prayer.

Dear God,

Please continue to watch over our dear friend. She is very sick, and in a lot of pain. I do want her to get better, and I do want a Miracle to be granted. But I do not want her to suffer. Please just let her be well enough to enjoy her kids before You take her Home. Whether that be in 50 years or in 2 months. Just let her enjoy her kids for the rest of her life. Let her not be in pain, and let her not be sick. So that she can live the rest of her life to the fullest. And please watch over her husband, and her kids, her father and her sister. This is a very rough time for them. Having to watch someone that they love so dearly struggle to live. Please give them the strength to handle what You have in store. It is in Your Hands.

Amen

13 and 14 Weeks

Ok - so I am slacking. Last week wasn't a good week. I was sick two days - fighting a sinus infection, and then I was so busy trying to make up for the two days I missed at work, that I just didn't get any time to get online. So - I am now playing blog catch up! :O)

Oh - and again the disclosure - the following pic's are not of Junebug. They are of ones that I have found via the internet! Actual pic's of Junebug hopefully to come in the next month and a half or so!

13 Weeks




I love this one of the lil hand! You can see it so clearly! Each finger! So adorable!


Junebug is now about 2 1/2 to 3 inches long and about the size of a peach, and weighs about 1/2 to 3/4 ounce! His/her body is trying to catch up to the size of the head. Although the head makes up more than half of the size, by the time Junebug arrives, it will only make up 1/4 of the size. The intestines are moving to their permanent location inside the abdomen. The facial features are looking more humanlike, with the eyes moving closer together and the ears moving to their normal position on the side of the head. This week those vocal chords are also developing, so that when he/she makes his/her debut - they can let the whole world know!!

14 Weeks






Welcome to the 2nd Trimester!!!! At 14 weeks, Junebugs crown-to-rump length is 3 1/4 to 4 inches, weighs almost 1 ounce, and is about the size of a fist. Now, I don't know if this is my fist, or Mama's - cause I have really small hands, so my first is really tiny, but Mama has an average sized hand, so her fist is a lil bigger. Growing by leaps and bounds, Junebug is now leaping and bounding! He/she is constantly moving with ballet-like movements that are smooth and fluid! Junebug can now wiggle his/her fingers or toes, and can even suck on a thumb! He/she could also be sprouting hair, and not just on her head! Junebug should be covered in lanugo (a downy coating of hair that helps keep him/her warm and also helps protect the skin while in so much liquid). Sexual development continues, so it becomes easier to determine male from female.

Welcome to the World Little One

We would like to welcome our nephew to the world, and to congratulate his parents!

He entered this bright new world on November 29, 2007 via c-section. He was born 4 weeks early due to low fluid levels. He weighed 6lbs2oz, and is 20 inches long. He is perfect in every single way! He captured our hearts instantly!

He is doing wonderfully, as are his parents. It is obvious that they are so in love with this little miracle!

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12 Weeks

Again, my disclosure! Pic's of Junebug should be around 18-20 weeks!

Junebug is now approaching 3 inches in length and weighs half an ounce! But that tiny little body sure does have a lot of detail! Including 10 fingernails and 10 toenails on those teeny tiny digits! His/her face is taking more shape, with the nose and chin becoming more refined. As the muscles begin to bulk up, Junebug is busy stretching and kicking! I sure am anxious to start feeling those lil movements!!

Today I had my 12 week appointment. Everything is right on track, and we heard the heartbeat. Which was very exciting of course, cause it is every time we hear it! We took Gryfinn to this appointment, but that didn't go over so well. He is extremely afraid of his doctor, and we had hoped that he would be ok with mine. But it turns out that he is afraid of all doctors. He started crying as soon as he walked in, and didn't stop until we left. Needless to say, he will be staying with one of his Grandma's at all future appointments. He wanted me, but wouldn't let me hold him cause I was on the exam table. And he did not like the doctor touching me. He was so distraught, that when checking out, he grabbed two suckers, and one of the office staff said, 'oh, he deserves two after what he has been through!' Poor lil Gryfinn! Those big ol elephant tears will break anyones heart!

Celebrating Our Love

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Today is our anniversary. Although it has only been 5 years, I feel like I can not remember a time before Kelly. Before her, it was just Jarrod and me, and I lived for him. I met Kelly, and my entire life changed. I found my one true love, and I actually began living. I saw the true beauty of the world around me. And I think my heart actually made it's first real beat. Cause it does beat for her, and only for her. Each day, we make a new memory. Memories that will last a lifetime.

To you my dear, you honestly do complete me. With you, I am whole. I have found the meaning of life. I have felt what it is to love completely, and to be loved completely. You have made all my dreams come true. And my future consists of you and our wonderful children. The ones that we brought to each other, and the ones that we have conceived with our love. I look forward to our love growing ever stronger. You are my everything, always and forever.

11 Weeks

Again, these are not photos of Junebug - just ones I found on the net! :O)

Junebug is slightly more than 2 inches long this week, and weighs nearly a third of an ounce, and is growing by leaps and bounds! At this point, the head is the same size as the rest of the body. On that head (and the rest of the body) hair follicles are starting to form. (bring on the heartburn!) Toenail and fingernail beds are starting to develop, and by next week the nails will start growing. The body is starting to straighten and the torso is starting to lengthen. Junebug can now do stretches, somersaults and forward rolls! Our lil acrobat in the making! Maybe she will be the next gold medalist gymnast or he will be the next kung fu fighter!

Happy Birthday Jarrod!

From One.......


To Ten.......


His birthday was the 16th, and I just can not believe it - he is 10 YEARS OLD! We are the parents of a 10 year old - it just does not seem possible. But we are very blessed to have this 10 year old in our life. He is amazing. Yes - we have our ups and downs, he gets mouthy at times, and a bit grumpy. I think it is the pre-hormonal thing that all kids go through. But for the most part, he is so very pleasant, so very loving, and so very much fun! He is definitely one of the four joys that we are proud to call our kids!

Happy Birthday baby - we love you so very much!

We Found It!

We got our doppler back from Kel's sis-n-law on Monday. And today was the second time that we used it, and we found Junebug's heartbeat!!! It took awhile, but we found it! It was 171 bpm. And it was good and strong. We actually found it twice. She/he is so little that it was easy to lose track of it. I am still just so amazed that we found it. So very relieved. It is such an amazingly wonderful sound. This little being growing inside of me has a heart that is beating! Words can not describe the feeling - this overwhelming love that flooded me at the sound. That was our baby - our baby that we created - that we created with our love for each other. So amazing - just so amazing!

Praying For a Miracle

Dear God

I am writing you this because I have a friend who is in need of a miracle. I pray, as do so many others, for her and her family. I know that you have a lot of requests, but I just want to plead her case.

She is 29. The wonderful Mom of a 3 year old son and 5 1/2 month old twin boys. Her and her husband are one of the few couples that actually love each other, and show it.

She was first diagnosed with Adenoid Cystic Carcinoma (ACC) before she had any of her kids. It was only in her salivary glands, so they were able to remove it with surgery. It came back when she was pregnant with her 3 year old. And again, they were able to remove it. Well, unfortunately, it came back again, when she was pregnant with her twins. Her ob/gyn would not allow surgery until after she delivered, due to it being too risky. She had the twins at 35 weeks, and they had it scheduled to do surgery 4 weeks after her c-section. While she was pregnant with the twins, she had a lot of pelvic and back pain, which she took as her sciatic nerve. After she had them, the pain did not go away, so she had it checked out. They found out that she had 3 large (inoperable) masses in her pelvic bone. After doing further testing, they found that she had lesions in her upper left chest wall and her upper left arm. She was going to a dr that she had always liked, until she found out that they were only treating her to make her life more comfortable - not to cure her or save her. She told them that this was her life they were screwing with. She took matters into her own hands, and found a wonderful dr in Cleveland. This dr gave her hope, and the first good news she had received in a long time. They submitted all of her information for a clinical trial that will take place in Pittsburgh. I guess that it was sort of like an application. Once they accepted her for the clinical trial, she had to have all the tests redone, I guess to 'prove' that she actually has ACC. When they did these tests, they found that it had spread to all 4 lobes of her lungs and also to her right kidney. She knew that this meant it was urgent to get the ball rolling. Things were getting in gear to start, and she has a seizure. Upon doing more tests, they find that she has a mass on her brain. Her dr has her go to Pittsburgh. They can not start her clinical chemo until they take care of this mass. Her dr decides to do surgery to remove it. Everything went great. The mass was 1 inch by 1 inch in size. Shortly after she gets home from Pittsburgh, she gets an infection. They take her to the local hospital, and try to treat her with antibiotics. They feared that she had MRSA because the infection would not respond to the antibiotics. They found out that she has a blood clot in her arm and also on her brain, and that was keeping the antibiotics from getting to the infection. She then has to give herself shots of blood thinner. She fights with the dr's and they do release her so that she is able to go home and see her 3 year old all dressed up for trick or treat. They do another scan, and have it all set up for her to do 2 rounds of radiation, to sterilize the spot on her brain, and then she will start the clinical chemo 10 days after her last radiation. This past Sunday, she gets a call from her dr, and he says that he wants her to be in Pittsburgh Monday morning so that they can get going on her treatment. When she gets to Pittsburgh, they do another scan, and they find more spots on her brain. Due to this, she no longer meets the requirements for the clinical trial. They were going to go ahead and do radiation and some form of chemo yesterday, but I am not sure how all of that went.

Through everything, she has been so strong, so positive, so optimistic, so full of faith. She just knew that this clinical trial was it - it was going to kill her cancer so that she could get back to living. I am not sure how she has been affected by this recent news. But I know how I have been, and that is why I am praying to you.

I want her kids to know her. I want her twins to know the love that she shows them everyday. I want them to feel it, and know it, forever. And I want her 3 year old to remember her. If she goes now, her twins will never know her, her touch, her love, and her 3 year old will slowly lose those memories. I want her to be here when her 3 year old starts his first day of kindergarten, and I want her to see her twins crawl, walk, and I want her to hear them say I love you. I want her to grow old with her husband, and to be able to spoil her grandkids rotten.

I am asking for nothing short of a miracle. I know that sometimes you want these people to come home to you. That you want to take care of them. But I am pleading that you grant this miracle - that you let her get well here on Earth, so that she can take care of her kids. So that she can be a part of all three of her kids lives as they grow up. So that her husband has her support while raising three rotten boys.

I know that it will take a miracle to cure her. Her cancer is very aggressive, and has spread so very fast. But, you are the one that can grant this miracle. Please let this woman, this Mom, this wife, this daughter, this sister, this friend, get well. She has so much to live for, and she is fighting so hard to continue living.

Amen

10 Weeks

Again, these are not actual pictures of Junebug. Just ones that I pulled off the internet.

Here is a link to an ultrasound, I hope that it works. I tried to save it, but couldn't figure out how. It says the baby is 10 weeks - but another part says 10 weeks conception - so I am not sure if the baby is 10 or 12 weeks. But I thought the video was so very neat!
http://www.i-am-pregnant.com/encyclopedia/U/Ultrasound

This week Junebug is 1 1/4 to 1 3/4 inches in length. This week the weight is also able to be measured. Before, it was just too small to measure the weekly differences. Junebug weighs close to 0.18 ounce, and is the size of a small plum. By now the complete body plan has been laid out, but will continue to grow for the remainder of the pregnancy. The fingers and toes have separated and the tail has disappeared. Junebug has taste and tooth buds now. The brain will continue to develop at an amazingly rapid rate, and the embryonic heart is completely developed. External genitalia are not apparent until next week, but a male testes will already be producing testosterone.

9 Weeks

This is not our actual baby - just a picture that I found on the world wide web. But, this is what our lil Junebug looks like today - at nine weeks.

Goodbye embryo - hello fetus! Junebug has graduated from the embryonic stage and is now entering the fetal period!! Junebug is about 1 inch long, and the size of a medium green olive. Junebug is also making spontaneous movements now that his/her muscles are starting to develop, but movement of the tiny dancer will not be felt for a couple more months. The head has straightened out and is more fully developed, the ears are more prominent and some new organs are forming (the liver, spleen and gallbladder). The heart is developed enough and grown large enough to be heard on a fetal doppler. Junebug is still rather small, and is quite snug in Mommy's belly, so no need to worry if not able to detect the heartbeat on the monitor yet. In a few weeks, the miraculous sound of the heartbeat is certain to be audible for our listening pleasure!!

Halloween Pictures

Jayk and Jarrod at their school Halloween Party.
Yes - they are the same thing! They are skeleton ninja's.


Jaykie in full gear!


Jarrod all ready to hit up some houses!!


Gryfinn, our root-tooting cowboy!


These are some of my nieces and nephews. We have a star wars guy, a cowboy, and then the Siamese twins (my nieces are too silly!) along with our cowboy and one of our ninja skeletons. Jaykob went trick or treating with his other Mommy and his cousins, and then came home and had a slumber party with us and his cousins here.

And here are our carved pumpkins from the patch!!


This one is Jaykies - the skeleton!


This is Jarrod's headless horseman!


Kelly carved Blue for Gryfinn!


And she also carved the silly face for us, and BOO for Junebug!!


I realized when looking at pic's to post, that we just did not take many pictures. I am disappointed, but with having everyone over for dinner (Kel made her oh so delicious chili!), and then trick or treating, I think we were just preoccupied. I do know that the Grandma's took some - so I will have to raid their pictures, and probably steal a picture or two, or three - or more! :O)

Jarrod, The Dancing Fool

We were recently at the wedding reception of my best friend. And my boys like to dance - especially Jarrod. And one of the ladies that I work with, her and her husband were watching them out on the dance floor - and she heard Jarrod tell his cousin to watch out - cause he was a Dancing Fool!

Well - he is part of a select group of kids that are doing a production of 'We're All in This Together' from High School Musical. They practice, every Saturday from 10-1 - which has just recently been switched to 10-2. This is some hard core practicing! Jarrod was also selected to sing the part of 'Ryan'. Let me tell ya - he is SUPER excited! Oh - the reasoning behind the production is due to the combining of 2 of our high schools. There is a lot of controversy over it, and they are doing the song 'We're All in This Together' to show that they have to work together to make it work.

Here is a video from this past Saturday. They did the song over and over in the parking lot of one of the local high schools. It was the last football game between the two schools, so they switched the game from Friday night to Saturday afternoon to make a big 'to-do' about it. Jarrod is the one in the red jacket with the hat on - he is dressed like Ryan - but it was cold so I made him keep his jacket on.

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And so we Christen you.......

Ok - so we have been trying to decide what we will call this lil being that is growing inside of me. Since we don't know the sex, and don't plan on finding out, we have to be able to call this lil person something.

Here is the list of what we came up (also with the help of my wonderful BFF!!) - as you will see, Kelly put some wonderful thought into the ones she came up with - and her lil side notes just cracked me up!

Cherub
Suckling
Papoose
Moppet
Tad (tadpole)
Squirt
Imp
Urchin - means mischievious child
Sweat Pea
Peanut
Jelly Bean
Gummy Bear
Our Heart
Snuggles
Luv Bug
Nugget - Mommy is quite fond of chicken nuggets
Cletus - As in 'Cletus the Fetus' - hey, it rhymes!
Junebug - She is due in June
Teddy Gram - We do like the name Graham
Brownie - She did wait until after the big game to be conceived. She knew how important that game was to us
--> Back to Cletus. I would never really want to name our fetus that. I must have had a complete Dad moment. Only men want to call their babies names like that. Remember 'Boofer'?!? (inside joke about Kel's brother!)
Poppy - Mommy has to suck on a lot of Preggie Pops just to keep from throwing up.
Gem - She will be a Gemini.

Ok - so I am sure you can tell which ones are from Kel! She really is a trip! And I love how she keeps referring to the lil being as she! :O)

So - we have made a decision - and the survey says!!

JUNEBUG!!

Into the Minds of Children

Ok - so you never know what children are thinking, unless they talk to you about it. And lucky us, we have some kids that LOVE to talk. So we are frequently allowed into their minds. And let me tell you, it is always such an amazing journey! You always come out enlightened.

Lat week, Kelly and Jayk had the following conversation.

Mama: Grandma and Chelle are coming over.
Jayk: Why is Chelle coming too?
Mama: Because she is moving and wants to get the boxes out of our garage.
Jayk: I didn't know she was moving. Where is she moving to?
Mama: Her and Brian are getting a trailer.
Jayk: -deep thought- I wouldn't want to live in a trailer.
Mama: Ok. (thinking oh no, please don't say anything mean to Chelle) Why not?
Jayk: Cause. Your house is always moving around - you know, from place to place.
Mama: What?
Jayk: You know, like Grandma's.
Mama: -giggle- Grandma has a camper. Chelle's trailer will be in one place, on a lot, just like a house. She will have regular water and a regular toilet.
Jayk: Oh.

So - apparently, Jayk was worried that Chelle would have to move her house around - one night they stay at the camp ground, the next night in Grandma's driveway, the next in ours! Kids - gotta love 'em!!

The First Appointment

We had our first dr's appointment on Tuesday, Oct 30. We first meet with him in his office. He is amazed that we have succeeded at getting pregnant two times with doing at home inseminations. I think with being a dr, and especially one that used to perform inseminations, that he has this misconception that it is odd for us to be able to receive frozen sperm via DHL, unthaw it ourselves, perform the insemination, and get pregnant - not once, but twice. So - he is amazed, and says, well this sure does seem to be working for you!

Everything looks fine, and while doing my exam, Dr. W says - well, you are 'really' pregnant - then checks his lil spinner thing and says it is too early to check for a heartbeat. We aren't sure what he meant by the 'really' part. Maybe it was a realization that 'Yep, these crazy lesbians did it again!'

Dr W and his nurse, L, are wonderful. I think we made a great choice in using him again. He has such good people skills, and not to mention his good bedside manner. He is so polite, and so gentle. While my feet are in the stirrups, and the speculum is in for him to do the pap, I am jittery. Maybe because I am in a most vulnerable position, but everytime he would barely bump my leg, I would jump, and he would just apologize. Poor guy probably thought he was hurting me, but no, he was just startling me. Thank goodness I don't have to be there in that position for awhile.

Our next dr's appointment is Nov 27. And I will be 12 weeks. So, we should be able to hear the hearbeat. Although, we do have a doppler, and will be trying before then. I can't wait to hear that sound of our lil bun's heart - that is the most precious sound ever. Well, until you hear their first cry, and then their first giggle, and then their first word. :O) Gosh, I sure do love being a Mom!!

The Pumpkin Patch

Look how big our lil man is!!

Mama and Gryfinn checking out the pumpkins!

Mommy getting some lovin from the Gryfinn Monster!

Jaykie and his perfect pumpkin!

I'll take this one!

"Deep Thoughts" by Jarrod

Feeling Green

So - morning sickness has set in - and I am one of the lucky ones that experiences it morning, noon, and night. Actually, the only time I do not feel sick is while I am sleeping. I snack ALOT - it lessens if I have something in my belly. So, I try not to go too long between snacks. I was worried that all this eating would make me start to gain weight, but so far I have not gained a single pound - YAY! And as for the sickness, I am not complaining at all. I take this as a good sign, that my levels are strong, and that this is a good thriving pregnancy! Although I would rather not be sick, I know that it comes with the territory - so I am grateful to be sick, cause I am OVER THE MOON about being pregnant!

We have told both of our Mom's that we are expecting. And we are PROUD to say that they both had GOOD reactions! We told my Mom first, in person, a week ago. We were sitting in the basement, and I was trying to get up the courage. Almost backed out - horrible how at nearly 30 years old I was afraid to tell my Mom that my partner and I are having another baby. Why is it that Mom's can put so much, hmm, what is the word, fear of disappointment I think fits - how they can make a grown daughter afraid to tell her something because of fear of disappointing her. Ok - back to the telling of my Mom. I just blurted out,'We have a secret' and she was like, 'You have a secret?' And I was like "Yes, Gryfinn is going to be a big brother. I am almost 7 weeks pregnant!" She was clearly shocked - but it was a GOOD shock! I am so glad that we told her. Kelly and I both felt relieved afterwards.

Then the wait to tell Kelly's Mom. She kept going back and forth about how she would tell her. In person, on the phone, IM, email..... she wasn't sure. She didn't want it to be impersonal, but then again she wanted to save herself heartache by not hearing the tone in her Mom's voice, or the lack of excitement. Yesterday, she just did it. She told her over the phone, and she just said, "I have something to tell you. We are going to have another baby" And her Mom said "Is it you or Danielle?" And Kel said, "It's Danielle" And her Mom said "Well congratulations!" The best response we could have hoped for coming from her! And she told her to tell me Congrats, and then she said, "It is actually for both of you!" That is definitely a step in the right direction. Later on last night, they were IM'ing, and Kel told her that it was nice to get a good reaction from her. And her Mom told her that she has realized that she needs to accept the things she can not change, (yes, her daughter is gay, will never marry a man, and keeps having children with her lesbian partner!) and to be happy with the way things are, and basically not miss out on anything else with her grandchildren. That is a HUGE - and I mean MONDO GINORMOUS step for Kelly's Mom, and I am very proud of her. She said that Kel's Dad was really shocked, he didn't know what to say - which we think is pretty funny!

All the grandparents are hoping for a girl! There are 4 grandson's on Kel's side, and my Mom has not had a granddaughter born in over 10 years, but in that 10 years she has had 9 - yes 9 - grandsons born. So - they both would love to have a granddaughter. They of course will love and spoil the hell out of another boy. And we feel the same way, it would be nice to add some pink around the house, but we sure do love blue!

We still have not told anyone else yet that we are expecting. And I am not sure when we will do this. Our first dr's appointment in next Tuesday. But it isn't like we will know anything different. It will be a routine first appointment - Pap, exam, and tons of blood. But our dr is not one to do ultrasounds early. Although we would love to see our lil one, we doubt he will send us for one. And since I will only be starting my 9th week of pregnancy, there is not a chance of hearing the heartbeat yet with a fetal monitor. So - I am not sure if we will wait until after the appointment, or wait until we do hear the heartbeat. I am just not sure. We have told our parents - no one else worries us. I am just excited, and can't wait to tell everyone!

Ok - it is now time to get back to work. I just feel that since I finally felt up to blogging, that I should get as much done as I could.

Next to come...... pictures from the pumpkin patch!

IT'S OFFICIAL!!!!!

WE'RE PREGNANT!!!!!

I feel very confidant in saying that! We have taken several tests over the last few days. This morning we took an Answer Early Response - and it is POSITIVE!! No questions, cause it is DARK!!!!!

It is just so amazing - so wonderful - so OH MY GOODNESS!! I can't stop thinking about it! We have already decided that we are going to wait to tell everyone - except for a few choice people that knew we were trying. And of course I will tell my online buddies! But family and other friends, they will have to wait. Our goal right now is to wait until Nov 27. Kelly is off that evening, so we thought it would be perfect to go around and visit, and tell everyone our WONDERFUL news!!

This makes me nervous - not about telling everyone, just about telling our parents. We did not get a very good reaction out of either one of our parents when we told them that we were pregnant with Gryfinn. My Mom made me cry, hysterically, in front of everyone. And Kel's Mom made her cry, but she was able to hold it in until we left. So - telling them is scary and not so much anticipated. Although, my Mom has come around SO very much, and she loves my family and adores all 3 of our kids. She loves Kelly, and even calls her her daughter-in-law. And she tells me how beautiful and wonderful my family is all the time. But, I am still nervous.

We also plan to tell my Mom that we are getting married. We figured we might as well do it all on the same day - be like - we are getting married, in Hawaii but not until June 2010, because next year we will have a baby - we are due June 9-10. And that way if she doesn't give us a good reaction - it will all be at the same time - kinda like the kill 2 birds with 1 stone - right? I will only have to have one cry, instead of two. But, I have a good feeling about this pregnancy - about my Mom's reaction. And also about the wedding. I think my Mom will want to be there. At least I hope....

Enough about the sad stuff..

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!

The Faintest of Faint

Ok - so those that have gone through the ttc process probably know the drill. You start your period, you wait approximately 14 days to ovulate. Normally for me it is 12-13 - this past cycle it was 16. So - then after that, you are in what they call the two week wait (tww). This, of course, is the longest wait EVER! Because you begin to feel every twinge, notice every vein, every cramp, every - well every everything. And you think - hmm, is that a sign. Maybe that's a sign, no maybe that's a sign. And then the big decision is when to start testing....

This time, we decided to order some internet cheapies. They were $15.50 (including shipping) for 50 (yes FIFTY) tests! We got them off of Ebay. And I think this was an amazing investment. Because, we have so many of them that I can test as often as I like, and not feel guilty about it, right?!

Well, the tests arrive on Friday, cd 25, 9 dpo. So, I figured what the hell, this is a sign - I should start testing. So I did. And the obsessing began!

I turn those tests at an angle, hold them up against the light - in the bathroom, in the kitchen, in the bedroom - everywhere. And then WAIT - what is it that I see there? It was Saturday night, cd 26, 10 dpo. The faintest, almost non-existent shimmer of hope?! Kel said I was crazy, that there was nothing there.

So.... I tested again Sunday morning, cd 27, 11 dpo - and again, the faintest hint of a line. And again that night - but this time it is a lil bit darker - could this be it. Is this a positive HPT? Could we be pregnant? I am not sure - so I have Kel pee on a test. What the heck, we still have over 40 left, right? And I need to know if her test will show a line. I am thinking, hmm, maybe they all do if you analyze them this intensely. So, she pees, and dips the test, and low and behold - NO line!

Now what??

Nothing, but to wait til morning. So we do. And I pee again, and still very faint, but a line. A bit darker, but still a line - right? We sure do hope so!

So - we wait - I hold it for another 5 hours, ready to explode I was. And we took another one. And this one is even darker!!

So - we are very optimistic, but still afraid. Afraid to shout it to the world, afraid to mutter those 3 words - afraid that it can be taken away. So - we wait. We wait until tomorrow morning, to test again - in hopes that it will be a for sure - a no questions asked positive.

So we wait, and we pray. That the faintest of faint turns into the positives of positive.

TTC

So - our DHL delivery finally showed up on Monday. Four days late, I must add. We were certain that things were all screwed up, and that we missed my peak, and that this cycle was a bust, and we were out $169 for shipping. But - we didn't give up, I kept testing, and then, finally, on Wed, CD 16 - I got my peak. I will have to say that I was extremely relieved that it finally came.

We did the first insem at around 10:30 - 11:00 am, and the second one around 10:00 pm. We have to work things out so that we can do it when Gryfinn is napping. So Kelly kept him awake longer in the morning, and I made sure that all three boys were in bed for the evening insem. Both insems went good, without any mishaps. Which is wonderful, cause we have definitely had our fair share of mishaps.

Now the wait begins.

We are now 6 dpo, cd 22. Nothing to really report. I had heartburn yesterday, which is nothing new, and I was extremely tired. But, I think that was due to going out Saturday night for my best friends bachelorette party. Kel and I didn't get home until 3am - and probably not to sleep until closer to 4. And I woke up at 8. Jarrod and Jayk were with their other parents, and my Mom stayed here with Gryfinn. I heard them up and moving around, and then couldn't go back to sleep. So I went ahead and got up. So, I think the fatigue was just my body telling me that I had some catching up to do on my sleep. I also had a lil bit of cramping - but then I wonder if that is just all in my head. Or if it could be the fact that I usually start my period on cd 26 or 27. I wonder how that will all work out this time. You would think that since I ovulated late, 2-3 days late, that I would also start 2-3 days late. Hmmm? That is just something else for me to ponder about.

No change in my breasts - I of course exam them daily. Waiting to see some sort of change. More blue veins, for my areola to change in size or color - something. Reading this, one who has never been through this roller coaster of ttc, would probably think that I am crazy - or obsessed with my own breasts. But those who have been there - probably thought 'been there, done that'!

This is the difficult part - the waiting. Cause you just don't know what the outcome will be. You want to be pregnant soo bad, with every fiber of your being. And due to that, I think you feel things, see things that aren't really there. Twinges, cramps, heartburn, hmm, are my nipples a lil darker? Those all become - I wonder if that is a sign? So then you look on the internet for early pregnancy symptoms. Even though that you already know that those are all signs. It is like you do that to reassure yourself that this could be it. But in all actuality - there is no way to really know until you get that positive hpt. With our miscarriage and with Gryfinn, I felt it inside, but didn't really know that it was real until it was confirmed by that wonderful BFP! I wish that there was some way to know NOW. To look inside and be like - Yep, look, there is the fertilized egg traveling through my fallopian tube. That would be awesome. But, we aren't so lucky. We have to wait. Wait for either the doom of blood, or the glory of the test! I, like the rest that are ttc, pray for the glory.

Another question during the ttw to ask - is when to start testing. I have heard of so many getting positive hpt's as early as 8 or 9 dpo. That would be awesome, but I feel like we have already wasted so much money on pregnancy tests over the last 2 failed cycles. So - do we wait until my period is late - which will be when? After 27 days, or would it be 30? Or should we give in, and maybe start testing at 10dpo? I guess this is just something else for me to ponder....

Cleveland 51 Cincinnati 45

Ok - so yes - this is a lil late. Life has been busy, and I just have not had the time to blog. I have had several things to blog about - just have to have the time to do it. I am going to try and make it up today - and blog like a maniac!

The game was FANTASTIC!!! It is great to see our Browns win - but to be there when they beat the Bengals - that is priceless! And yes - this win sure did make my DHL worries go out the window!

We had a great time. On Saturday night, we went bowling and played pool - and I did drink. I had 3 beers, and surprisingly enough, was barely buzzed. That is probably from the greasy bar food - it soaked up all the alcohol. It was great getting some adult time with Kelly. I have needed that.

The atmosphere in Cleveland on Sunday was awesome. You feel at home, being surrounded by so many other Browns fans. Where we live, although it is in Ohio, we are the minority - everyone around are Bengals fans. They all support Ocho Stinko (as Jayk so kindly refers to Chad Johnson). I screamed, yelled and barked so much that I did lose my voice - and I think I broke my finger. It is better now, finally, over a week later. But it has given me some grief. And the funny thing, it is my middle finger, but I did not injure it by flipping off Chad Johnson when he jumped into the Dawg Pound. Jarrod called me right after that happened, and questioned whether I flipped him off - cause he said that all of those other people did! No - I injured it trying to high five my brother after we scored yet another touch down. It was in the 4th quarter - the excitement was high - and my brother was standing on our seats, and did not see me turn to celebrate - and he ended up smacking my finger. It was one of those moments, where it was over as soon as you seen it happen - and boy did it hurt like a bitch! Oh well - battle wounds - right?! :O) It was so worth it!!

Ok - so I forgot about the wonderful time that we had with my brothers. One in particular, Ray. He is something else. He had told my other brother, Doug, that his plan for the getaway was to hook up with a woman. Although Ray has woman at home. Doug told Kel and I of this plan. So, due to that, and the fact that Ray is hot headed - we did not go to a club. That is why we went bowling. Thought this was safer. Doug had said that he didn't want to go to jail in Cleveland, and Kel and I said that we would hate to have to leave them! :O) Things were fine, Ray did not hook up, and there weren't any fights. Except for that night in his sleep. Ray talks, does not mumble, he talks. Very clear, very plain. At one point, he asked Cooper - not sure who this is - if he wanted a piece or the whole fucking thing. Since Kelly and I were sleeping right next to him, we both had the fear that he would think we were Cooper. At another point, he sat straight up in bed, and said -Where am I? Laid back down and farted. It was a rather long night for Kel and I. Not much sleep at all. And we got a lot of human out of Ray's talking. The saying for the day was - do you want a piece or the whole fucking thing?!

To conclude that - I doubt that we will ever go away with Ray again. Although he did not get into any fights, he is an asshole - and has poor sportsmanship. Doug on the other hand - he was a lot of fun. And is so much more laid back than Ray. So much so - that we weren't sure at times if he was really enjoying himself. I think next year, we are going to go to Michigan with Doug, and watch the Wolverines play. It will be great to be surrounded by fellow fans, and not be told that we are traitors. (due to the HUGE rivalry between Ohio State and Michigan).

DHL

I have decided that I hate DHL. They have brought me so much grief today. Our package was due to arrive yesterday. I called - got the tracking #, and checked the status online. It was, and still is, sitting at a warehouse - and has been since 3:20pm on Thursday. I called and spoke to a customer rep - and of course she is an idiot, so I ask to speak to a supervisor. Her name is April. And I completely spilled it all out to April. I told her that yes, our package is parishable - it contains sperm - sperm that we need to inseminate. And we have a VERY small window of opportunity. I told her that I do NOT understand WHY our package has been sitting, just sitting, at a warehouse for nearly 48 hours. She does do a little bit of research, and then calls me back and tells me that unfortunately there is nothing that she can do. It is at the main warehouse, and has not been received at the local hub. And no - I can't go and pick it up. She said that it should (yes should) be delivered on Monday. But what if it isn't. We are out $159 for shipping, and have lost this cycle. Hell - we still maybe out the money and have lost the cycle.

I guess it is good that my CBFM was still reading low today on CD12. But - I have gone from low to peak. I hope this cycle isn't a bust. I am so aggravated and so frustrated over this.

On another note - we are heading to Cleveland today. My Mom is keeping the rugrats, and we are going away for the night. We bought tickets to the Browns game for us and my two brothers that finished our basement. They did an amazing job, and it is now our computer/work area. It works out perfectly - considering that we now have 3 computers - my work station, Kel's work station and the home computer. And since we are going to be away from the kids - maybe I will drink a couple of beers. Has been a LONG time. Could be fun!

Here's to a great weekend away - getting some adult time with Kel - not alone time, but some adult time. We will be able to talk. I miss talking to her. She is my favorite person to talk to. And I will be able to sleep next to her ALL night long! YES! Granted we are sharing a room with my brothers, but there will not be a lil Gryfinn Monster lying between us. I can actually snuggle with her all night! And I sure hope the Browns kick the shit out of the Bengals. That would make all this DHL busniness not seem so stressing.

Introducing The Clan

This is Kelly, (aka Mama). She is the most amazing, wonderful woman I know. We have been friends since 2001, and became a couple in 2002. I completely fell head over heals for her. She has opened up my eyes to so many things. Love is such a wonderful thing! We each came into the relationship with a child, and we knew immdeiately that we wanted more! She took wonderful care of me while pregnant, I guess I should say she spoiled the hell out of me! :O) I am lucky to have her! She is my one and only. And even if it is cliche - she does complete me. I love this woman!

And this is me, Dani (aka Mommy). And I am saddened that I do not have a recent picture of myself that I like. Atleast not one by myself. So, this is misleading. I am heavier due to having a child. I love being pregnant, but pregnancy does a number on my body. With each child, it goes a bit more. I decided that since we are trying for our next already, that there is no need for me to wear myself out trying to lose weight now. I will do that when we are all done having babies! Also - my hair is no longer short. I have been growing it out for some time, it is now in a shaggy bob, or whatever you call it! I promise to have a decent recent picture taken, and will post that.

Here is our 9 year old, Jarrod. He has recently gotten really involved in baseball, and it has been a blast! He is also our inventor, he built the 'Kid Protector' - and won 1st place in the 3rd grade category at Invention Convention! We are so proud of him!

This is Jaykob! He is our 7 year old. He is definitely our Allstar baseball player. And he is our lil lover boy! Atleast twice a day, out of nowhere, he will be like, 'I love you'! And he is always the teacher's favorite! He listens, and does what he is supposed to do. He is also our braniac! He is so very smart! How lucky can we be, an absolutely adorable smarty pants!! :O)

This is our lil man, Gryfinn! He is 13 1/2 months old. He has all 4 of us wrapped around his lil finger - and we love every minute of it! He has this amazing personality that keeps us laughing at all times! And he has these wonderful lil arms that he will just wrap around your neck! (he will lift his legs up to make sure we pick him up!) :O) And I think it is soo amazing to hear him differentiate between 'Mama' and 'Mommy' - or when we are both there, he will just shout 'MOM'! And when he is running around like a maniac - he will shout 'GO, GO, GO'! We have also taught him a little bit of sign language - he knows milk, finished/all done, more and eat. When he is hungry, he will sign eat and say 'good good'! And we get finsihed/all done ALL the time. He hates having his diaper changed, so as soon as we lay him down to change him, he signs finished/all done. It really is the cutest thing!

And this is our furbaby - Oliver. He is a 2 year old Weimaraner. He has beautiful amber colored eyes and a gorgeous grey coat! And he is our baby! Although this picture does not do him justice, he is rather tall. His head is high enough for him to steal food off of the boys' plates or to stick his head in the Doritos bag that is sitting on the table! :O) He is hyper - but only when people come to visit him. (I say him, because it is obvious that he thinks that anyone that comes over, is coming over to see him!) But he is so gentle with Gryfinn. Which is wonderful! We really couldn't ask for a better dog!

Well, that's our family. My family! My wonderful, wouldn't trade it for anything family! They mean more to me than anything - and they make me who I am! I am proud, I am blessed, I am so very lucky to have the family that I have!

Am I really doing this???

So - I guess I have decided that I am going to blog...... Everyone's doing it, right?! ;-) We know a few people that do, and it is amazing! I love reading up on their lives, their kids, etc. And if you miss out on a few days,weeks, months - whatever- you can get wrapped up in catching up. Kel and I were talking yesterday about a certain blog, then she turns to me and says "Why don't you blog?" And I say "Because I don't think I have anything to say." She politely returns with a grin "But you never shut up!" Hmmm....... I wonder if she is trying to tell me something? :O)

So - I have decided to give this a go. And now that I think about it - I wish I would have started this a long time ago. Or atleast during our last ttc battle. It would have been great to look back now that we are trying again - to see signs, symptoms, feelings, etc. And also to have this from my pregnancy and while Gryfinn was growing. My kids say some of the darndest things, and they do things that just make me crack up - it would be neat to be able to look back. Oh well - hind sight is 20/20.

It will take me awhile to figure things out, how to post pictures and such, but that is my goal, to add pictures of my wonderful family, and do a proper introduction.

That is all for now - but I shall return! :O)