The Faintest of Faint

Ok - so those that have gone through the ttc process probably know the drill. You start your period, you wait approximately 14 days to ovulate. Normally for me it is 12-13 - this past cycle it was 16. So - then after that, you are in what they call the two week wait (tww). This, of course, is the longest wait EVER! Because you begin to feel every twinge, notice every vein, every cramp, every - well every everything. And you think - hmm, is that a sign. Maybe that's a sign, no maybe that's a sign. And then the big decision is when to start testing....

This time, we decided to order some internet cheapies. They were $15.50 (including shipping) for 50 (yes FIFTY) tests! We got them off of Ebay. And I think this was an amazing investment. Because, we have so many of them that I can test as often as I like, and not feel guilty about it, right?!

Well, the tests arrive on Friday, cd 25, 9 dpo. So, I figured what the hell, this is a sign - I should start testing. So I did. And the obsessing began!

I turn those tests at an angle, hold them up against the light - in the bathroom, in the kitchen, in the bedroom - everywhere. And then WAIT - what is it that I see there? It was Saturday night, cd 26, 10 dpo. The faintest, almost non-existent shimmer of hope?! Kel said I was crazy, that there was nothing there.

So.... I tested again Sunday morning, cd 27, 11 dpo - and again, the faintest hint of a line. And again that night - but this time it is a lil bit darker - could this be it. Is this a positive HPT? Could we be pregnant? I am not sure - so I have Kel pee on a test. What the heck, we still have over 40 left, right? And I need to know if her test will show a line. I am thinking, hmm, maybe they all do if you analyze them this intensely. So, she pees, and dips the test, and low and behold - NO line!

Now what??

Nothing, but to wait til morning. So we do. And I pee again, and still very faint, but a line. A bit darker, but still a line - right? We sure do hope so!

So - we wait - I hold it for another 5 hours, ready to explode I was. And we took another one. And this one is even darker!!

So - we are very optimistic, but still afraid. Afraid to shout it to the world, afraid to mutter those 3 words - afraid that it can be taken away. So - we wait. We wait until tomorrow morning, to test again - in hopes that it will be a for sure - a no questions asked positive.

So we wait, and we pray. That the faintest of faint turns into the positives of positive.