Day 10 - Something I'm Afraid Of

Day 10 of the 30 Days of Blogging - Something I'm Afraid Of

Ok - so first off, I am a scaredy cat. I love scary movies, but I get scared so easily. I jump, I scream, I cover my face. But I love that feeling. And I laugh at myself when the movie's over, cause I know I have made a fool of myself.

And things that go bump in the night, they scare me too. Walking by a window/door at night, and seeing my own reflection looking back, yeah, that will make me practically jump out of my skin.

Haunted houses, ya know, the ones at Halloween time, with all the made up ghouls and goblins - they scare me too. Not the fake blood and gory stuff - but the monsters that jump out of nowhere, and the ones that are brandishing a chain saw - they scare me, so much that I may just run away - and then trip and fall in some mud (I say that like it has happened before, huh?!?! :).

But - these are things that scare me. Not things that I am afraid of. There is a difference. Being scared, that gives me a feeling - an adrenaline rush of sorts. I get this butterfly feeling in my stomach, this feeling of anticipation. And all in all, it's kinda fun. But being afraid, that gives me a saddening in my heart, a sickening in my stomach. These are things that I don't like to think about - and if they do cross my mind, I do whatever I can to get them out of there as quickly as possible.

I am afraid of losing Kelly. I don't know what I would do without her. She is my life, my world. And without her, how would I function? How would I go through each day without her? How would I raise our kids without her?

I am afraid of losing one of our kids. The thought of something happening to one of them, that thought, I just can't even do it. I can't even imagine what life would be like without them. Without their smiles, their laughter, their fighting and bickering, their hugs and kisses, their I love you's.... yeah, I can't think about it. I am too afraid of that to even think about it.