We were separated by death....

And now reunited by death.

My Dad passed away over 11 years ago. And I have lost touch with my siblings on his side of my family. I have not spoken to my sister Pam in nearly 11 years. I have not spoken to my other sister Marsha in almost 6 years. I have not spoken to my brother Greg since my Dad's funeral, but have spoken to his wife Beth several times. I am not sure why, but I do know that it has always bothered me, and that I have always missed them. But I guess I just did not know what to do to reconnect. I just know that with Dad dying - it separated us. And that I not only lost him, but it seemed that I lost that part of me completely. He must have been the glue that held us together. There is a significant age difference between us - maybe that had something to do with it. Maybe they just saw me as a kid, and maybe not as an actual sibling. Thinking that, makes me sad, and brings on the tears. Cause to me, they were always my siblings. I loved them, I love them, and I really have missed them.

So, this year, I decided to maybe I guess reach out. Make contact. I looked them all up online, got all of their addresses, and sent them all a card for Christmas. I am not sure why this year of all years, that I felt compelled to do this, I just know that I did. And I did receive a return card from my sister Pam. In it was a picture of her kids - and they are GROWN. They are ADULTS! Which I guess took me by surprise, but shouldn't have. The last time I saw them they were kids, I mean, like under the age of 10, kids. And now, they are grown. It doesn't seem real, but considering 11 years has passed - it is just the reality of it.

The next thing I receive is a MySpace message and friend request from my sister in law, Beth's, daughter. They were trying to get a hold of me and could not locate a phone #. They wanted to let me know that Beth passed away on New Years Day. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in April.

So, for the first time in over a decade, I am reunited with my siblings. And I am so saddened that it was due to the death of my brothers wife. He is aching, his heart is breaking. And I feel his pain. As his sister, I feel his pain deeply. His tears, I feel them fall on my cheeks, cause I shed my tears for him.

And although I am saddened, and that my heart aches for the years that have passed, and that I hurt that we are reunited like this - I am happy that after so long we are reunited. And then I feel guilty, for even feeling any kind of happiness out of this, knowing that my brother is hurting so badly.

It was great getting to talk to them, and to hug them. To wrap my arms around a part of me that I was sure was gone forever.

I don't know if this is the beginning of a new chapter with them, or if this was just a brief interlude. I just know that it was awesome, and that I hope that it is a new chapter. They are my family, they are a part of me, they are a part of my Dad. They knew him longer, and could tell me so much more about him. And I would love that.

I guess I will just have to see what happens. See where this leads. And pray that it leads to a newfound friendship, a rekindled family.