Day 3 - Clouds

Day 3 of the 30 Day Photo Challenge - Clouds

I cheated.  This is a pic that I took previously.  But, it is fitting, so I used it. ;)





Life is like a rainbow. You need both the sun and the rain to make its colors appear.
~unknown

Now, I know that I have a wonderful life. I have a beautiful family.  A wife that I love and that I am in love with.  I have four amazing kids.  Trying, stressful, pain in the asses, but sweet, and smart, and lovable, and oh so wonderful.  We have everything that is needed to survive.  A roof over our heads, food in our bellies, clothes to keep us warm (and the kids look pretty damn stylish too! ;). 

But that doesn't mean that things aren't rough.  That shit isn't bad and stressing me the fuck out.  I have wrote several similar posts.  Airing some dirty laundry.  But every time, I have never hit the publish button.  And then I just ended up deleting the post.  I don't like to be the one that has the drama.  I make fun of those people on FB that tell all their business, all the time.  Granted, I keep reading, and going back for more of THEIR drama.  But I like that, that it is theirs and not mine.
But, I have decided that I will tell all.  Or, well, not all, but some. 

Last September, I found out that Jarrod's dad had a drug addiction. He was addicted to painkillers. Vicodin and such.  Needless to say, I put a stop to Jarrod going to his dads.  I, of course, was every name in the book.  Well, until he got his next fix, and then he would call and apologize, and say that he knows that I was just doing what is best for Jarrod.  Things got bad.  He forgot Jarrod's birthday, and then gave him a gift card that when Jarrod went to spend it did not have any money loaded on it.  He borrowed money from Jarrod, and gave Jarrod the 'I need the money to buy my medicine so that I can stay clean' bullshit.  And Jarrod being a kid of course thought he was helping his dad.  His dad told him he had to lie to me.  And Jarrod did.  Again, cause he wanted to help his dad.  I was not mad at Jarrod.  He is a kid.  This was all his dads fault.  But, I was hurt.  I was hurt that Jarrod lied to me.  But I know that he thought he was helping his dad.  It also took him several months to pay Jarrod back.  He would say he would have the money on this day, but then would not call or answer when Jarrod called him.  And of course he is not paying child support.  Cause drug addicts can't keep jobs.  And of course he doesn't call or come see Jarrod.  Cause drug addicts only think of themselves.  They make promises, and break them.  Over and over and over.  Jarrod has been hurt so much.  Well, Labor Day weekend, we found out that Jarrod's dad was seeing someone.  And the fucking kicker - he is seeing my sister.  Well, my niece that was raised as my sister.  And she lives with my Mom.  So, this has opened up a whole bunch of shit within my family.  She tells my mom that he isn't as bad everyone thinks he is.  She is inviting him out to family gatherings.  Well, only one.  And it won't happen again, or my family will not be there.  This is the soap opera shit I referred to previously.  I mean, even Jarrod said - "if they get married, my dad will be my dad/cousin, my cousin my cousin/stepmom, my brother and sister my brother/cousin and my sister/cousin, and my little cousins will be my cousin/stepbrothers."  He has also said "this never should have happened".  And it is bothering him.  Granted, he is almost 15 years old, so he doesn't say much.  So you know when he does, that it is really bothering him.  His dad says he is clean.  But he still keeps making promises and breaking them.  And Jarrod keeps getting hurt.

On top of all of this bullshit, there is other bullshit with Jayk's other mom.  There are some issues regarding her visitation and her child support. But the thing that has me the most upset about all of this is that it has been stated over and over that I am on the outside.  That the decision is to be between Kelly and Billie.  It just hurts, cause Kelly and I have been together for 10 years.  Jayk was 2 when we got together.  He does not remember a time without me.  And in those 10 years, it has been me that has been Jayks other mom.  It has been me that comforted him when she didn't show up when she was supposed to.  It has been me that has taken care of him when he was sick.  It has been me that has tucked him in to bed at night.  It has been me that attended ALL of his school functions and sports.  When Jayk refers to his parents, it is Kelly and I that he is referring to.  But to hear it said that if Kelly and I were to split up, that it would still be her and Billie as Jayks parents, making the decisions regarding him.  And this just hurts.  Cause even though I was not there when he was born, and I was not there for his first 2 years of life.  That boy is mine.  He belongs to me.  He is my son.  So, it just hurts.  That even though it has been me as his other parent, when it comes down to it, I am not.  And it just hurts.

So, this is just a little bit of the bullshit that we are dealing with.  Well, it is most of the bullshit that we are dealing with.  The lack of child support hurts us.  Especially knowing that their other parents don't care to take care of them financially.  Knowing that we were managing without the child support, until Kel was switched to salary and lost all of her OT.  The OT that has been steady for the last 4 years so we have relied on it.  Yeah, just a little bit of a kick in the gut.  So, add in financial struggles on top of the bullshit, and some days it all gets the best of me.

But, I know, that no matter what storm we are hit with, we have each other, and I know that no matter what, everything will be ok because of that.