And maybe I do live my life through rose colored glasses. We have money struggles. Kel and I have our occasional disagreement. But our life is good. We have a great family. Our kids are wonderful (bad at times, and make me wanna pull my hair out at times, but nonetheless, still wonderful). Kel and I love each other, very much. We really do honestly have a great relationship. We want to be together. We want to spend time together, with and without our kids. We enjoy our kids. And I mean, really, honestly enjoy spending time with them, and doing things with them. Our kids keep us busy. My Mom and Kelly's parents, they do love us, and they love our kids. Some things may be said or done at times that hurt us or upset us, but they do love us, always. Kel's brother, his wife and their 2 kids are great. We love spending time with them. My brother and his 2 kids are also great. He can be grumpy at times, but we have lots of fun with them too. My BFF is always there for me. We don't spend much time together cause we are both so busy, but I always know that she is my best friend and always there if we ever need her for anything. These are the people that we spend most of our time with. These are the people that matter most to us. These are the people that are inside my naive, rose-colored life.
Then, there are the other people. The other people that bring stuff into my life. Stuff that is not only not wanted, but stuff that is loathed. I am not one to use the word hate, but I hate the things that have been brought into our lives. I hate that I have to deal with these things. Don't get me wrong. I know that there is bad in the world. I know that the world is filled with evil. I know that the world is full of bad people, and people that do bad things. I know what is on the news (granted, I choose not to watch the news, but I know what is there). I know that people get addicted to drugs. But dammit, why does it have to be people that are in my world. (let me clarify that it is not any of the people mentioned above - these are my rose colored life people - people that I want to just sweep up and take away with me).
I don't want this crap. I don't want to have to deal with it. And the shit of it all, not only was I informed of one addiction, I was informed of two. One is a pain killer/narcotic addiction, and the other is heroin. They are two separate people, that don't have anything to do with each other. I actually have to deal with the narcotic addiction, and the ramifications of it. And I am at a loss. And I hate it. I hate everything about it.
This may make me seem bitchy, or insensitive, but I really do not have any patience for addicts. I just don't. That person chose to pick up that drug and to take it, snort it, or however it is that they take these drugs. Drugs are addictive people. This has been said since the beginning of time - DRUGS ARE ADDICTIVE! THEY RUIN YOUR LIFE!! So, how can I have sympathy, or compassion, for someone who willingly chose to take these drugs?
All I know, is that my kids come first. Always. And what I have to do is keep them safe. And that is what I will do. I don't know what all of this will entail, I don't know what steps may have to be taken. Cause, shit, I don't really know much about any of this. (the rose colored sheltered life, I suppose) All I know is that I hate this. I mean, I really hate this.
If anyone has any info, any insight, any knowledge, or knows of somewhere that I can go to get more info. Please let me know. I am not sure what my rights are. Something has to be on my side. It just has to be.
2 comments:
Addictions can stem from something much deeper than a choice... I had a cousin who was raped as a young boy ,physically/mentally/emotionally abused, and lost his mother at the age of 7. Sometimes harmful things are used to mask the painful. Substances are something that cause pain that YOU inflict rather than the pain that someone else has... I surely have sympathy, and the best you could do is be one of the people that supports and not abandons.
I'm so sorry ! I don't know that having rose colored glasses on or off makes any of this easier.
I will always try to remember that I haven't walked in another persons shoes when I try to blame them for choices they make.
Just like everything else I'm learning as I get older :)
I do hope that you are able to get the help you need to deal with the person affecting your life by their choices.
One thing that you do have and that is the control to make decisions for you and your family. Sending lots of love and strength to make them.
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