Going In Circles

On the 4th of July, the weirdest thing happened. I got up like any other day. Drank my coffee like any other day. Skipped breakfast, which I usually don't do. Got in the shower, and I crashed. Or so I thought. I felt like my sugar was low, I had the dizzy/lightheaded feeling I get when my sugar gets low. Doesn't happen often, just every now and then (probably when I have skipped a meal). I finish my shower, get dressed, grab a handful of cheerios, as this usually helps, but this time does not. Kel gets me a glass of juice, this doesn't help either. So I eat a sandwich, still dizzy. We are getting ready to leave to drop off Jayks friend, pick up some stuff from Billie's and then head to a cookout. I tell Kel to do the running around then come back and get me. By the time she gets back, my world is spinning out of control. I felt like I was on a tilt-a-whirl and could not get off. If I was laying down, I felt fine. So I send her on her way to the cookouts, and I take a nap. After I wake up, I walk to the bathroom and by the time I am there, everything is spinning so fast, I could feel my eyes trying to focus on something, and I swear I am going to get sick. I make it back to bed, and it stops. Thank goodness. But it is like that all night, every time I get up, or sit up too much. Kel calls our nurse friend, and she tells her that it sounds like vertigo. To get me some Dramamine, and that should help. I take some, and all I know is that shit knocked me out! I slept, probably drooled and snored, all night. When I woke up Monday, I was still dizzy, but not spinning out of control. I call into work, and climb back into bed. When I get up, I am still dizzy, but I do feel better, a little anyways. It was Jaykies birthday, and we had plans. So we let him decide if he wanted to stay with the plans, it would just have to be later, as I could not drive to take the kiddles to their aunts house, and he would have to wait on Kel to get off work at 530 - or him and Jarrod could go white water tubing with their uncle and his kids, and then we would just have pizza and cake - and if he chose this, we would still take him to Youngs to play putt-putt, the batting cages and get ice cream once I am all better, but just won't take his friends and cousins. He opted for the latter, and was rather excited to be going white water tubing! I wake up this morning with a killer headache. I swear - this seems to be what I had going on - a horrible drinking experience that had my world spinning out of control and on the verge of vomiting for hours - and then today the killer hangover headache from hell!! All without the alcohol. I do feel better now. I have gotten the headache to a low throb - which is a major improvement. I have just really felt like poopy-shit!

Now, with that, that leads me to my other circle. When I was writing this blog in my head - I went in circles with my thinking. It went like this.

I just said I felt like poopy-shit. That lead me to think of the L Word. I think it was the episode where The Planet was shut down cause Marina tried to commit suicide, so the ladies went to St@r Bucks, and Alice said the coffee tastes like poopy-shit.

Well, then that lead me to the episode where Bette and Tina had just found out that they were pregnant, and they were getting ready to go meet Bettes Dad for dinner, and Bette says what do we tell him about the last name, Tina says we can do hyphenated, and Bette says what - like Portard (Porter + Kinnard = PorTard) - and Tina says um no, we don't want kids saying Hey Poor Tard hows your 2 Moms you big gaymo....

And then that lead me to thinking about wanting another baby. I am still not sure what I want. I have this feeling, like maybe I do. But I don't know if it is just baby fever, since our baby just turned 2, or if its a for real I want another baby feeling. (How do you know the difference? For those that have decided they were done - how did you know that you were done? How did/do you differentiate between baby fever and really wanting another baby?) Cause I don't know. I had thought that if it was just baby fever, that our nephew would help that feeling subside. But no such luck. He hasn't helped. And I do go back and forth. I know that the older the little ones gets, that the more we will be able to do. As a family and as a couple. But then I think about the whole process - from ordering the sperm, to trying, to getting the positive, to hearing the heartbeat, to feeling the baby move, to Kelly feeling the baby move, to seeing the baby on ultrasound, to being huge and feeling beautiful at the same time, to getting things ready, to the excitement of getting close, to the first signs of labor, to that first cry, the first look, the first time we hold him/her...... Ok - do you see my problem?!! lol I loved being pregnant - granted there were some rough patches with being sick, but I really did love it. And the smell, the feel, the noises of a newborn - I feel myself being pulled in....... And then I think, we are doing Caelyns room next year - that means we will have our room back. And we want to take the kids to Disney when the littlest one is like 4 or 5. And the older they are, the more of a chance we will get for a date night. I just feel torn. I guess this is the one thing I feel on the fence about!! lol

And then all of this talk lead me to thinking about morning sickness, which lead me to think, I sure did feel like poopy-shit - which lead me right back to where this post started - cause I really have felt like poopy-shit for the last 48 hrs!!

See - things really are moving in circles for me! :o)