Somedays...

You just have to get things off your chest.  You have to complain.  You have to talk about them.  You just have to.  And my blog is the place that I have to do this.  To say things I don't normally say.  To complain about things that I need to complain about.

Last week, I was in office for 2 days.  Being in office isn't a big deal.  But it does wear me out more.  I get up an hour earlier, and of course I do not go to bed any earlier.  So there is lack of sleep.  And since Kel has been in office for the pat 4 weeks and working 9.5 hours or more each day, I have been trying to make sure that I have all the house work done, so that she doesn't have to do anything.  Cause come on guys, you know if something needs done, she will do it, just like the rest of us.  And on top of that, with her not getting home until 7, I have all the running around to do for the kids, and will usually have all 4 kids in tow for the said running around.  Ok, now that I have built things up... on with the story.

Last Wednesday, no one had to be anywhere.  It was going to be an evening free, and let me tell ya.  I was looking forward to it.  After homework was done, everyone was fed, and the kitchen cleaned up from dinner, I was going to sit down on the couch and read.  It wouldn't last long, cause I would have to get up to do this or that, and then after those were done, it would be bath time.  But even if for just 15 minutes, I could not wait to just sit.  Ya know?

Well, Kel gets a call from Jaykies other Mom.  She was supposed to be coming to get him, but her girlfriend got called into work.  And Billie was too tired to take her to work (they only have one car right now), and so she was without a car.  She asked Kelly if she could bring him, and she said she doesn't get off work til 7.  So Billie asked if I would, and Kel said she would ask me.  And I said no.  I was exhausted.  I did not want to leave the house again.  I did not want to load the kids up, drive clear to the other side of town, and then drive back, knowing that the kids would have full bellies from dinner, so they would fall asleep in the car, and then that means that they would be up way too late, because they would have gotten a power nap... and by golly, I just wanted to sit down and relax.  So I said no.  And then Billie went off.  She said that I have had a problem with her for awhile now, and that I never help.  That nothing ever was said that she had to do all of the picking up and dropping off.  Ok, first off.  I do have a problem with her.  Back in July, when there were issues with her not paying child support, and actually, she wasn't having much to do with Jayk.  And Kelly and Billie were talking about her needing to pay child support.  Kelly told her that the money was needed.  That we are struggling, and it is needed.  And Billie's pissy words to Kelly were "I'm sorry that you had more kids".  Ok, so that pissed me off royally.  My kids have NOTHING to do with the fact that she was being a dead beat parent and not taking care of her child.  So yeah, I have had a problem with her ever since then.  She brought my babies into something that had nothing to do with them.  Ok, now back to the present.  You ask, Did she say she was too tired to take her girlfriend to work so she could have the car to get her son?  Why yes, that is exactly what she said.  That she was too tired.  But, let me tell ya, all hell was breaking loose because I was too tired.  Because I didn't want to drive across town.  That I did not want to load up 2 little munchkins into the car, knowing they would fall asleep.  And then you ask, Did she just say that you don't help?  Why, yes, that is what she said.  Let me tell you how I don't help.  I don't help by picking him  up from school each day.  I don't help by helping him with his homework when he needs it .  I don't help by driving him to baseball practices and baseball games.  I dont' help by taking him to/from a friends house.  I don't help by making him dinner every day.  I don't help by washing his clothes every day.  I don't help by keeping the floors swept and mopped.  I don't help by keeping the dishes done.  I don't help by loving to spend time with him.  I don't help by encouraging him to do the things that he loves.  I don't help by loving him with all of my heart.  I don't help by being the Mom that she has never been to him.  Yeah, that's how much I don't help.

I just had to 'talk' about all of this.  I don't really have anyone to talk to.  Kel is in the office so much these days, and I guess in a sense, she is in the middle.  I know I might be over reacting a little.  And I know I am a grudge holder.  But it really really bothered me that she said that to Kelly.  About her being sorry that she has more kids.  Like it's a burden.  A problem.  That if she didn't have them then she would be ok financially.  I mean it really really pissed me off.  And me being the grudge holder that I am, I have not let it go.  They are my babies, and they are not a burden, not a problem, and it is not their fault that we are struggling financially.  And it is also not their fault that she wasn't doing her part in taking care of her son.  Ya know?  And then this bs about me not helping.  It just kills me.  Just kills me!  I am on the go nonstop for these kids.  My helping just doesn't ever stop.

Thanks for listening to reading my rants.  I needed to do this.  It does make me feel better.  Not so frustrated by it.  (not that my grudge has been dropped, cause it isn't, and I don't know if it ever will). And ya know, if you want to give some words of encouragement, I will accept it... but if you want to criticize me for any of this... please just don't.  I am about to start my period... and I really don't feel like having anyones hurtful words sending me into a crying frenzy.... Thanks in advance fpr sparing my feelings! : )