LOVE is thicker....

So yeah, I have been gone for far too long. And I have missed blogging so much. I just have not had the time. I normally work from home. And while at home, before I start my day, on my breaks, during my lunch, etc., is when I blog and when I read blogs. When I have to go in office, I don't have the time. And I had to go in office for 2 weeks. So - needless to say, I have been having some blog withdraw. And so much has happened, so much that I have wanted to write about. (and I still have not gotten pic's of Jayk uploaded for his birthday post. DAMN! I need to get on that!) I have been trying to get caught up on my reading now that I am back home. But I have missed so much, so it is taking me some time.



Ok - now on to the title of this blog....

***to see pic's of Jarrod's siblings and to get the back story - check out this blog.***



Jayk's birthday is July 5th. Jarrod also has a brother on his Dad's side, David, that shares July 5th as his birthday. Jayk turned 9. David turned 6. We have never had an issue with the birthday parties. EVER. The year David was born, we kept Adrianna, (Jarrod's little sister on his Dad's side) when they went to the hospital to have David. We didn't have a problem on the 1st birthday they shared together, or the 2nd, or the 3rd, or the 4th, or the 5th. But... as we come to the 6th, things change. As I have explained before, our big boys go away every other weekend to their other parents house. So - we always make sure we plan all of our parties, picnics, outings, etc., when all of our kids are home. Cause if not, there is not any guarantee that all of our kids will be with us - and of course, that is what we want. So - the weekend of July 4th is our weekend with all of our kids. So, naturally, we plan Jayk's party for this weekend. And it just so happens, that his birthday is that Sunday, so OF COURSE we plan Jayk's party for his actual birthday, on July 5th. He wants a bowling party, so a month in advance, we schedule a bowling party at one of the local bowling alleys from 1-3pm, on July 5th - and again, this is our weekend.

So, July 4th rolls around. We go to a cookout at Kel's uncles house. When we are leaving, I have a missed call and a message from Mike, Jarrod's Dad. At this point, Jarrod proceeds to tell me that he was told that they were having David's party on Sunday, July 5th, also from 1-3pm. Jarrod then tells me that on Thursday, when he was at his Dad's house, that he told Mike that Jayk's party was on Sunday from 1-3 and then he asked him what time David's party was, and Mike told him - 'I don't know yet'. Jarrod then says that on Friday when he was leaving that Layla says 'David's party is from 1-3 on Sunday' and Jarrod then reminds her that that is the same time as Jayk's party. Ok - with all that being said. I listened to the message, and Mike has a pissy tone. And he says 'I am calling to remind you that Jarrod's little brother's party is tomorrow from 1-3'. I then tell Jarrod what the message says, and tell him he needs to call Mike and figure things out. He calls Mike, and the phone conversation goes something like this. "Dad, on Thursday I told you that Jayk's party was from 1-3. And when I asked you when David's was, you said you didn't know.' Jarrod then hangs up his phone, and says he wants to talk to me. Then my phone rings.

I was in the car with Kel and the 4 kids. I did not raise my voice, I did not cuss, I did not say anything off color at all, and I didn't even get a pissy tone. Mike starts off saying 'Jarrod's little brother's party is from 1-3'. And I say 'And so is Jayk's. Jarrod needs to figure out what he wants to do, as he has two brothers' parties at the same time' and this is when Mike goes OFF on me. I am not sure what all he said to me. I do know at one point I told him 'Jayk's party has been scheduled for a month' and he replied 'David's has been planned for two weeks' and I responded with 'Jarrod said he asked you on Thursday when David's party was and you told him 'I don't know''. Mike came back with 'Jarrod is full of shit'. He then tells me that 'David is Jarrod's blood brother' and I tell him that that does not matter. That Jayk is Jarrod's brother, and if you ask Jarrod, he will tell you that Jayk is his brother. And then the next thing I know is he is full out cussing me out - calls me a bitch, and I hang up. I do not, and will not, listen to anyone talk to me like that. Well, he then calls back and leaves a very colorful message on my cell phone. Which I still have saved, and I plan to somehow get it off of my cell phone and onto a disc so that I can save it. (when I get this figured out - I will try and post it). He calls me a bitch. Says that there will be no more vacations because he won't let Jarrod be away on his day. That he can't believe I won't let Jarrod go to his blood brother's party. And he goes on and on. Saying that we are going back to the visitation set up by the courts. (which in all actuality - screws Mike on time. He had been getting him like this - Week 1 Wednesday at 4pm and keeps him until Thursday at 4-5pm. Then full weekend - Friday at 4pm until Sunday at 6pm. Week 2 - Wednesday at 4pm until Friday at 4-5pm. Now he gets him like this - Week 1 - Tuesday 8pm until Wednesday 8am. Full weekend - Friday 6pm until Sunday 6pm. Week 2 - Tuesday 8pm until Wednesday 8 am and Friday 6pm until Saturday 8:30am.)

Mike then calls Jarrod and tells him that if he can't be there for David's party, to not bother coming at all. And I also let Jarrod listen to the message Mike left me. Some might not agree with this. But Jarrod is getting older, and I am done trying to make Mike out to be a good guy. It is time for Jarrod to see things the way the really are - and to go from there on his own. Jarrod was rather upset, and after listening to the message says 'I hate him' and comes and hugs me. I tell him not to say that, that he does not hate him.

On the morning of July 5th, I tell Jarrod that he needs to call David and tell him Happy Birthday, and that he also needs to talk to his Dad, and see if he can come by after Jayk's party. David is his brother, and I do think that Jarrod needs to see him. (It was Jarrod's decision to go to Jayk's party and not David's. Jarrod's decision, not mine.)

Then on Tuesday July 7, I send Mike an email and tell him that since he wants to go back to the schedule, I remind him of the days and time. He then calls me an ass, and tells me I have the times wrong. On Wednesday, I go to the court house, and get a copy of the temporary orders which has the visitation set up, and also a copy of the final decree.

I get an email from him this past Wednesday July 22. In this email he tells me that he does not understand my situation (although he does not say it, I know he is referring to me being gay) and he also tells me that they only way he is going to be happy is to have Jarrod more, and that means having shared parenting.

I asked Jarrod about this. Whether Mike has said anything to him about it. And he said yes. He said he has asked him a few times if he would want to live with him half the time, to be with his Dad as much as he is his Mom. I asked Jarrod what he said to him, and he said he just keeps telling him 'I don't know Dad'. I told him to be honest with me, and tell me what he wants. And his words were 'I do not want to live with my Dad'. I asked him why he won't tell Mike that. And he said that he is afraid of him, afraid of telling him the truth. (and from knowing Mike, and especially with this last episode - he flies off the handle. Big time. And it is quite scary).

So - things have been crazy. My nephew, John, the one who is in the Army, and stationed in Hawaii, is home. And is getting married. His wedding is tomorrow. And it is Jarrod's weekend at Mike's. And Mike won't let him go to the wedding. Jarrod has asked several times. And he is so upset by this. He looks up to John. And I believe that Jarrod will follow John's footsteps and join the Military. My Mom even called Mike - on her own - to ask him. She told him that the only one's he is hurting is Jarrod and John. (of course I want Jarrod there, but it really is hurting Jarrod the most) And she told him that once John goes back, we don't know when we will see him again. And that we have heard rumors of him going to Afghanistan. But Mike didn't care. His response was - 'David only turns 6 once' and 'I'm not giving up any more of my time'.

So - I do believe that he is going to try for shared parenting. And I am not sure what he thinks he has. Just because he is his Dad does not mean crap these days. Jarrod has gone to the same school since 2nd grade - he is going into the 6th grade. And Mike has NEVER been to his school. He has never met the principal, never met any of his teachers, never been to an award ceremony. And if asked, could not even name one of his teachers. Jarrod took 1st place in 3rd grade at Invention Convention at Regionals, and they honored Jarrod at a School Board meeting, and Mike didn't even show up to that. He has never taken an interest in Jarrod's schooling. As a matter of fact, Jarrod had homework over Spring Break, and he had a lot of it, and needed to do some at Mike's over the weekend. But Mike told him no. That he wasn't doing homework on 'his' time. And this is the first year that Mike has actually seemed somewhat interested in Jarrod's sports. Because before, Mike would complain if Jarrod had practice on 'his' time. And even Jarrod knows that the reason Mike is showing an interest this year is because David is playing now too. Oh, and Bucket Band, those practices are on Tuesday nights. Mike wouldn't take him, cause it was 'his' time. So that is when we switched the days, and Mike started getting Jarrod on Wednesdays. Cause Mike would not take him, and Jarrod really enjoys it.

And as far as step mom's go - Jarrod will claim Kelly as his 'Mom' not his step mom. And he will very rarely even mention Layla. When I asked him about her the other day, he told me that he knows she doesn't care for him. And that she treats him so much different than she does David and Adriana. And actually, Mike and Layla got into a big fight a couple of months ago, and Jarrod was happy at the idea that Mike and Layla were splitting up. And how Kelly and I relate to each other compared to how Mike and Layla relate to each other - well - actually, it doesn't even compare. Jarrod is always telling us about how Mike and Layla scream and fight, and cuss and yell, and how Layla will take off her wedding ring and throw it at Mike. And not too long ago, Michelle, my sister/niece (saving that explanation for another day) was over there. Michelle and Layla were friends in middle school. And Layla does tattoos, and Michelle was over there talking to Layla about one. Michelle said it was about 3:50, and Mike came home from just getting off work. He walks in the door and yells at Layla 'Where's my fucking dinner?' Michelle said that Layla apologized for him, and said that he was just hungry. But seriously, who talks to their wife like that? And I honestly believe that Layla played the victim there. If Michelle had not been there, she would have yelled and cussed and screamed back at him. Now don't get me wrong. Kelly and I argue. We disagree. And yes, we do get loud sometimes. We try not to around, in front of, or in ear range of the kids. But it happens. But we do not cuss and scream and belittle each other like that. We love each other, and we both believe that you do not treat someone you love in that way.

And don't get me started on the whole 'blood' brother thing that Mike kept reiterating. Apparently, David should mean more to Jarrod cause he has half the DNA as David. And Jayk should not mean squat, cause they share no biological tie? Forget the fact that they have been brothers for 7 years, slept in the same room, and on some nights when Jayk was afraid of a storm, in the same bed. That they have shared toys, and clothes, and laughs - oh, they have shared sooo many laughs - you know, when they are supposed to be in bed, and I can hear them just a giggling. And they share that brotherly bond. It is not a biological tie. It is a tie bound by love. The love one has for his brother. But none of this is supposed to matter, because Jayk is not his 'blood' brother? That is such a load of crap.

Blood does not mean squat when it comes to family. If that was the case, if blood was so important, then Mike would have a relationship with his Mom, or he would have a relationship with his Dad, or his younger brother, or his oldest brother, or his little sister. But he does not speak to any of them. If blood was the almighty bond, then he would be close to them. But, it is not. Love makes a family. Your heart, and their heart, form a bond. And this is what matters.

People say blood is thicker than water. But, ultimately, when it comes down to it - LOVE is thicker than blood.

***yeah, I know this is long. And actually, I could keep going. But, I am sure if you have made it this far, that your eyes need a rest, and probably your brain too. It is a lot of info to take in all at once. But believe me - this isn't over. So you will hear more. Or read more. That is, if you want to. Oh - and I just want to say - I hate drama. I hate it with a passion. I like things to be civil, and easy, and uncomplicated. (well, as uncomplicated as they can be with 4 kids). And I hate to argue. I don't like conflict. It makes me nauseous. So, my stomach has been churning, and doing flip flops for weeks.